Its an interesting feeling on Sunday nights to look around the room and know that the relationship I have had with these youth for the last year and a half will never be the same. It faintly reminds me of the feeling I had when my Youth Pastor would leave, which happened twice during high school. When I am faced with these kinds of situations I often have out-of-body experiences where I feel like I am watching a movie of myself that is vaguely interesting. I don't know why I do it, probably to escape from the pain.

I have the craziest inner monologue. Do you have one too? For example, today as I was walking to class I noticed how everything is beginning to turn green again and how that corresponds to my life right now. I feel like my life is coming out of a season of death and being born again. There are still days where it gets cold and everything looks the same as it has for awhile now, but then we have days like today where the temperature is just right and it feels like life is everywhere.

I then proceeded to think through this analogy. I (maybe we?) have these times of deadness and then slowly but surely life begins to sprout and its exciting and refreshing and new. Then time continues and its not new any more. In fact, it gets quite hot and muggy, but of course there is still life and it is much better than the death of winter. Finally fall comes. You don't even notice that everything around is dying because the trees are so beautiful. I really enjoy fall, but it will eventually turn into winter.