I'm sick, and what I mean by sick is, I have this desire to use the toilet, CONSTANTLY.

I'll give an example, for purely medical reasons. Tonight I went to church, and as I was singing I had this slight feeling in my nether regions, and when I say slight, I thought it was only in my head. I enter the restroom, taking my time, talking to people on the way, etc. As I placed my posterior on the saddle, there were more explosions than the fourth of July. I have been this way for like three days now and I think it has come to the breaking point, I'm going to take some drugs for this.

What also stinks is that my wife is sicker than a dog, which is such an odd saying.